Who fights over a shower?

Myth: Sharing a shower could be a nice, romantic moment. Washing your partner is a valuable bonding experience that every couple should do. It is sensual and it builds up your comfort level with each other. Plus, the sex is fun.

Fact: Sharing a shower is an uncomfortable event. Washing your partner is fun at first, then you freeze your balls off in the back of the shower while she washes her hair for ten minutes. Sure, it saves money on you water bill, but that's the only plus. Sex could be fun, as long as you have a bath mat, some kind of lube that doesn't sud up, and you don't try to perform oral sex under the stream of water. I almost drowned once doing that. Plus, there was quite the height difference. I may be flexible, but I'm not a fucking gymnast.

My girlfriend used to love taking showers with me. Its nice every once and a while, but not every fucking day. I tried to boycott it, but she threatened to boycott giving blowjobs, so I crossed the picket line even though she wasn't very good at it anyway. I got her one time though. Although, I really shouldn't have.

I got home well before she did one day and I decided to enjoy a shower.

Best. Shower. Ever.

I didn't freeze. I didn't slip at all. I didn't even have to share the bathroom mirror afterwards. It was a wonderful occasion. You really take things like that for granted until you are unable to do it anymore. I was able to put on some pajama bottoms and free-ball it while I watched a good movie. The fun ended when she got home.

Me- Hey baby.
Her- Hi honey. Get off early?
Me- Yeah. I didn't feel like being there any longer so I left.
Her- I need a shower bad. Join me?
Me- I already took one.
Her- What?! Really? Without me? Why would you do that?
Me- Sometimes I wanna take one by myself. That's all.
Is there something wrong? Why didn't you want to wait for me? Are you mad? I don't understand? Whah whah? Whah Wah Waaah?
Every argument turned into an episode of Peanuts and I was always Linus.
Me- Calm down. It was just a shower.
Her- Is there someone else?
That was a favorite of hers to pull out. Every time there's a break in our routine, there has to be another woman.

Women wonder why I act so weird now. Blame her. Its all this bitch's fault. She ruined me for the rest of you.

I came across this webpage full of crazy ex-gilrfriend voicemails. Funny shit.


chuckles said...

i experienced the same with my psycho ex! i remember one time i felt like showering, and she came in the bathroom and said in her most guilt-trippy voice "were you just not going to tell me?" like there was a f***ing LAW against the solo shower.

btw, the ex is the one who says that she was pregnant but i doubt she actually was.

Remy said...

I like showers. Showers together are fun. Once in a while. I personally like taking a bath with my significant other. simply because you just kind of flop and lay against each other in the nice warm water and just soak and get a cloth and drip hot water all over. Sex in the shower is overrated because you're right. Someone is always freezing and then there's the height problem... I'm a really short chick so I understand the issue of height and heat. Definitely.

Anonymous said...

okay so first off you can't blame her for why you are ruined :) sorry that one is all on you dude not her you need to realize every girl is different and in all honestly she was probably guilty or that it may have been insecurity or the plain jane examplinary reason that it was out of you common manner to just break habit depending on how long you had been dating break in routine does generally mean something is up, i though reading this on it'd be funny or even funny cute but this one only make you sound a little weird, just saying you can not blame any body for you being the way you are granteed they probably influenced it but you make the concious decision to be "ruined"<3KC