The weekend getaway.

This is pretty much the halfway point of The Chronicles. Hope they've been entertaining thus far.



Since I've lived in Washington, I've only been to the coast once. That one time was with the ex-girlfriend I write about every week. She thought that it would be a great birthday present for me. My birthday is in December.

We went in late-January.

I got a late birthday present to the ocean in the middle of winter. Boy, am I lucky or what?

Truth be told, it was a nice gesture and a decent little getaway. The town was pretty empty so we didn't have to share our vacation with anyone. The sex was great, which was usually a given (we had great chemistry). We didn't really leave the room at all the whole weekend due to all the rain and coldness and such. We ended up having a rare couple of days of just enjoying each other's company. It was nice. That all ended when my girlfriend noticed I had a voicemail on my phone after the last of many 'workouts'.

Her- Did you know you had a voicemail?
Me- Really? Could you check it for me? Maybe something's wrong at home.
I had nothing to hide. Besides, I really wanted this shower. I guess you could say I wasn't much of a thinker back then. I hurried in the bathroom with hopes of starting my shower before she was done checking the message. I took entirely too long.

Her- Who's ********?
Oh. Fuck.

Me- Who?
Her- You heard me.
Me- She was one of my neighbors. Why? Did she call?
Her- The Mexican bitch or the White one?
She kept tabs on my cute little neighbors.
Me- The White one.
Her- Why is she calling you and how the fuck did she get your number?
Here come 'the fucks'. We were having such a nice weekend too.

Me- She moved to California not too long ago. She's a nice girl, so I told her to stay in touch.
Her- Why the fuck would you do that? Did you fuck her before she left or something?
Me- No. What did she say?
Her- She says she misses you and she loves you. What the fuck is going on? You fucked her, didn't you!?
At this point, most girls begin crying just at the thought of their boyfriend cheating on them. The keyword in that sentence is 'most'. Her tears came from her hair. You might call it sweat. Besides, why would you say that on someone's voicemail who has a girlfriend? This is what I get for being too nice to these girls.

Me- Maybe she had a thing for me. I can't control that.
Her- Is *** even a fucking California area code?
I do not like where this is going.

Her- I'm fucking calling her.
Me- She's in fucking California. Leave her alone.
Her- No. I'ma find out what the fuck is going on.
She calls her up on my phone. I decide to finally take my shower. Possibly my last shower while I'm still breathing. When I got out, I get a confused, but satisfied, look from my girlfriend. The calm before the storm.

Oh shit.

Her- I talked to her.
Me- (starting to sweat) What did you say?
Her- I told her that you're taken, and that you don't love her, and that she should never call you again.
Me- You are a mean little girl. What did she say?
Her- She said that you are two-faced and she hates you.
Me- (sarcastic laughter) Nice.
Her- Whatever. So you didn't fuck her?
Me- I didn't fuck her.
Her- Why don't I believe you?
Me- Because you have severe trust issues, and I hate that about you.
We eventually made up before the drive back. Thankfully. That would have been a long and awkward ride back. Instead, it was just long.

Ending fuck count:
Me- 2
Her- 9
She always beat me in the cursing department.


I found this the other day. I'm glad we never owned a dog.

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