She beats herself so I don't have to.

Probably one of the most insane stories I have about this girl is the one I am about to tell.

The majority of our fights came when she was leaving my place to go home. She lacked the little clock in her head that tells her when its time to leave someone’s home, so I always had to make that executive decision for her. She looked at it as me getting rid of her; I viewed it as me getting some fucking sleep.

On this occasion, she really didn’t want to go. When I told her that we should call it a night, she gave me the usual ‘fine, if I have to’ look and proceeded to leave. I walked her out to her car and sent her on her way. I didn’t realize that her car never moved (this is why I now always make sure the car is in motion before I go inside). Fifteen minutes later my phone rang. I was already in bed, under the covers, and in my sweet spot when I reached to answer it. In my head I was thinking about why I even try to sleep after she leaves. It never happens the way I want it to. Needless to say, it was her.

She goes on with the same rant about how I don’t care about her and how I make no sacrifices for her and how I always kick her out after we have sex (which is purely a matter of bad timing). Whatever.

Me- Please go home.
Her- I’m coming up.
Me- Don’t come up.
Her- Why? Is your other girlfriend coming or something?
Me- You can’t be serious. Please go home.
Her- I’m at your door and I will ring the doorbell if you don’t come open the door (it was midnight).
Me- Don’t fucking ring the bell. Give me a minute.

I opened the door to see the devil, herself, looking directly into my soul. She was hungry, and my soul smelled like fresh brownies. I knew she was plenty pissed because whenever she got super angry, she'd insert ‘the fuck’ in every sentence. Example:

I’m pissed the fuck off!
What the fuck were you thinking?
Get the fuck off of me!
Where the fuck have you been?
Why the fuck do you care?
How the fuck am I supposed to bend that way?

When I told her she couldn’t come in, she let ‘the fucks’ loose. How my neighbors didn't hear, I'll never know. Maybe they did but they were too frightened to come out and help me.

Then she did what could possibly be the most appalling thing I’d seen her (or anyone else for that matter) ever do. She looked directly into my eyes with the fury of a dozen Pro-Life protesters and started beating herself in the head with her keys. Not by holding the key chain, no, but by swinging the keys like a lasso using the lariat she used to hang them around her neck. And keys there were a plenty. There had to be about ten or fifteen of'em. She swung them around fast enough to make a faint whistling noise as they cut through the air, while also making what sounded like an evil version of Jingle Bells as they bounced off her fucking skull. Her face was expressionless and her eyes did not blink. She felt no pain. All of this coming from a four foot, eleven inches, ninety-seven pound girl. I couldn’t do anything but stare in shock and in horror.

When I finally took hold of the moment, I lounged at her to make her stop and ushered her inside. Somehow I calmed her down. It would have been a lot easier if we had a 'safe' word to use. Of course my first reaction was to sympathize, so I got her some aspirin and a wet towel for her bleeding fucking head. She left about an hour and a half later.

Fucking Psycho.

We dated for another year and a half after that. What does that say about me?

Me- Are you okay?
Her- My head hurts.
Me- No shit?


Remy said...

Holy HELL... ~shudders~ That's REALLY disturbing. How could you stay with this girl?

Anonymous said...


Anonymous said...

Holllly shit. I had a girl that did something similar except the the head was my shin and the keys where her foot. And she was a soccer player..... Kicked me 28 times before I flipped the fuck out and threw abig vase in her direction and told her to leave before i called the cops. This made her go about 12 feet back sooo I tried to get back inside to get away from th chick.

Unfortunately I couldn't get back inside because my door was locked so I ran around her and hoped in my car and went to go drive away...

The crazy ass jumped behind my car and wouldn't move so I just backed up slowly and pushed her out of the way and then she got the idea to run back to the door to start kicking it trying to get in this was a $40k Audi so I just hit the accelerator she jumped back and I drove the fuck off and didnt come back for an hour luckily her mom came to pick her up.

So I ended up with a fractured shin about 1k in damage to my door I dated that girl for a year and neverrr had she gone that insane well one time she grabed the steering wheel and tried to run us off the road.

Any way I dated the girl for about week after that then she decided when she was her period to stick her fingers in there and and wipe the contents on me and my leather seats and I dumped her ass in the worst way possible right then.

I hate psycho girls

Anonymous said...

Dude I totally feel your pain i had a girlfriend who was not as crazy as yours but then again we didn't date that much and in the short time we did date she got pretty crazy so i don't know maybe she was as crazy as yours, anyway i feel your pain psycho gf are a huge pain, its been about a year and a half since our breakup, and she only calls me once every two weeks now hopefully it will stop within the next year.

Anonymous said...

I was involved with someone with the same shit. Whenever she got herself upset and freaked, she used to punch herself in the head repeatedly. Once, she tried to smash her skull against the wash basin in the bathroom (I was imagining what would happen if I didn't manage to wrestle her to the ground - dead chick, head bashed in, and I'm the only dude there. Yeah, officer, it was self-inflicted. That would have gone over well.)

I once succeeded on breaking up with her, only to learn that she tried to kill herself by slashing her wrists (not deep enough to die, just enough to impress the hospital staff), and then she begged me to take her back swearing she would never do that again. Stupid me - I did, and funny thing, she did (try to kill herself) again.

Ditto on the drama, including sort of hooking up with all sorts of sketchy and creepy guys so that I would want to hold onto her tighter while fending off all sorts of creeps (including drug dealers, wife beaters, stalkers and predators - lots of fun).

Looking back on it I can't believe I got sucked in twice with this psycho chick (but she had a great body, and came like the blazes when we had sex). Mos def a head case, and I can so relate to all your stories because I had similar version of almost all of them. I'm in my early 40's, she was in her 30's, but the same shit. And yeah, stupid me, I still see her.

Should have know better said...

Sorry to say that I have been thru that and worse. Highlights of a 14 year marriage were her giving me genital herpes and acting like she did not know she had it. Her grabbing the wheel of our GT Mustang while going 70mph and making us crash. Thank God for airbags. Saying she lost her wedding ring, then collecting 14,000 from the insurance and then finding the ring 4 days later. Numerous crazy acts involving jealous outbreaks of anger, throwing, hitting, yelling, total bi-polar crap. The final straw was she married a 72 year old man for the money, came back with 10 grand cash. I filed for divorce the next day. With all the documentation I had on her I got full custody of my son, no alimony, child support, health, 401K sharing or anything. I moved out of state and she has to pay for all travel also. She is as crazy as they come. Great website and thanks for sharing.

Anonymous said...

you only have yourself to blame,turn your fucking phone off dude, you're a glutton for punishment.

richc said...

you guys are all crazy. You need to get rid of these girls. But I guess its easier said than done, right?

Anonymous said...

Mmm , setting fire to house , kicking windscreen out , kicking , punching , spitting , throwing drinks , hit with shovel / level , trying to walk away , cheating whilst yelling at me to not even look at woman , no friends left because if I spent time with them I cared about them more , photos of past girl friends found ripped up , whilst she has box full of own x boyfriends , leaves tells me never coming back 3 months later turns up beats the shit out of new girl friend calls me a cheat , moves back in while I'm at work then spent six months tearing me a new one over it , then moves out again , these chicks don't deserve oxygen , manipulation , deceit , control , mental health guys ,LOW SELF ESTEEM , INSECURITY , DEPRESSION , CO- DEPENDANT , but it's all my fault , go figure

laciejay said...

lmao, it seems you only get comments from dudes, so here's one from a girl who's not quite as crazy as your ex. I dated a guy who was like this once, and being around it so much it made me almost as crazy. Anyways, he attacked me once for asking him to pick up his fishing equipment off the floor before my kids got home, lol during the fight I threw a reeses pb cup at his face and was arrested. because his crazy ass called the cops crying that I beat him up, obviously it was thrown out at court but still, you have to be psycho to do half of the shit he did. but I stayed with him for over a year, cuz I was a dumbass.

Anonymous said...

At least she didn't run to your kitchen to take a knife and slice her fucking veins open... I was lucky that I knew first-aid or else I would be either dead either in jail.. Fucking psycho bitches...

Anonymous said...

Ok, at this point I have to tell you:

She went nuts like that because in her head, she couldn't understand WHY she still can't leave you.

You have no idea what it feels like to be kicked out after sex by someone you love countless times. Your bad timing excuse got old after I read a few of your blogs and realized you take no responsibility for your abuse.

Be reminded that YOU are the one still trying to defame her character five years later.

Be reminded that YOU kept your phone on you at work

Like attracts like ALWAYS.

Anonymous said...

My Girl friend is the same way her name is Alisha Smith she be fucking crazy and beat her self she even told me if i left her she would beat her self and tell the cops i did it what should i do????????

Anonymous said...

I came home drunk one night and only gave my wife enough cash to get one 40mg oxycontin, (she was not pleased) anyway I went to bed and passed out hard, while I'm passed out this psycho genius took the sheets blankets and comforter and tucked my head and upper body in tight (hospital corners bounce a quarter tight) with just my feet exposed, she then beat me mercilessly with a lamp, I couldn't get out and she beat the pIss out of me while demanding more cash, this was not an out of the ordinary thing, anyway we split up like two days later and it was 12 years before I got a blowjob that even compared to what she could do, psycho bitches rule, just get out with your life.

Anonymous said...

Geeesh I have no reason to leave this crazy bitch after reading all this lol It has been my observation that women like this look for easy prey guys like me who would do anything for someone they love.. well my crazy had indicators and I failed to realize this till I was in to deep.. she never knew how much I cared about her because she found how to get under my skin and make a monster out of me to feel victimized.. she needed attention from guys.. even thought I poured my heart into her.. eventually I was fed up of the lies and anger I tried to take my own life to see if she even flinched a tear.. nothing.. I eventually got back together with her when she showed up at my door and the shit started yet again.. this time I would never let it get to the point of me cutting an inch into my arm.. so I did what every good man would do bought her a mobile home and working on leaving the state. These crazy women need more than one sane man can give... no one should attempt to fix them. Hopefully this one is barren from being to stupid to take her thyroid meds but her looks wont stop guys from trying..

Anonymous said...

After reading three or four stories I'm convinced we dated the same tiny blonde psycho. My girl was also barely 5' tall and 95 pounds soaking wet but crazy as a mad hatter. Was her name Lily? Love the stories man, a girl like this is hard to forget because if Lily wasn't so bat shit I could have married that girl. I still think about her years later. I don't think this is "defaming" your ex. You don't even use names or locations.

Anonymous said...

You're an asshole. Too bad for you because psycho women are head over heels for guys like you.

I'm a guy ,an asshole, who doesn't mind it and at times does mind it. Usually after the fact of course.

I've gladly ripped women a new one for their asinine/selfish behaviors or simply because I'm in a bad mood. Only to be tortured by passive aggressive or covert aggressive behaviors on their part.

Insecure role models certainly helped make me this way (among other things). It's not all their fault though it's mine as well. I take full responsibility for that.

I can be a truly compassionate guy who wreaks havoc occasionally. Intense havoc when the havoc is being wreaked.

This culture has sucked the air out of my tires at this point. I've contributed to that as well. Some of it being my own doing.

Your bad timing bullshit is just an excuse. You're pretty much a covert dickhead and you're aware of it. Always playing the victim like a typical covert dickhead will.

Face it you victimized her and she victimized you that's how these relationships work. Wish I could sympathize but you're acting like a somewhat clueless ass so it wouldn't work anyway.

Keeping living in fantasyland guy. Best of luck with that!