I'm living with Connie Corleone

Maybe I was naive. Maybe I had poor judgment. Maybe I was just stupid. Why else would I fall for someone who had some severe emotional issues?

After almost two years of dating and four years of friendship, we finally started living together. I say 'finally' like this step was eagerly anticipated. It wasn't. She had already moved out on her own with plans of me going with her, but I bailed at the last minute. Then she nagged me to move in with her for a month or so before I caved and took the plunge. By far the biggest mistake of my life.

No, the second biggest. The first would be me eating all those damn cucumbers when I was ten. That was a mistake.

Living together made our fights more challenging since we really didn't have the power to 'go home' anymore. Something I did learn though was the old saying "Never go to bed mad." is complete and utter bullshit. If you are upset in the living room, you will be upset in the bedroom. Being naked in soft sheets does not make you less angry. Being naked in soft sheets just makes you horny. That's a problem when there's a naked human being next to you who has no intention of touching you for at least another 24 hours.

After a fight one night over something that probably involved another woman or my ‘lack of love’ or something (those were always the hot topics of discussion), she started swimming in the deep end of the pool. Well, more so than usual in this case.

She locked herself in the bathroom to begin with. A door lock has never stopped me before and it wasn’t going to that night. I picked the lock to find she had rigged the drawer to keep the door from opening more than an inch and a half. Now, if this was a normal girl and a normal relationship, I would have let her be and left the apartment. This particular woman has a tendency to attempt suicide from time to time and she proceeded to list aloud all the sharp things available in the bathroom. It was the only reason I was forcing myself in there. This was all a part of her ‘you don’t care about me’ routine. Whether it was a cry for help or a cry for attention, I had to treat each instance like it was the real deal. I threatened to break the door down before she finally came out. I should have left her in there.

She flew right past me and into the bedroom where she commenced in trashing everything in there. Pictures, clothes, hangers, clock radios (we had two), and sheets were thrown about. Thank God (or whoever) she was smart enough to not pop the waterbed or spike the TV. She did, however, manage to put a very huge dent/crack in the closet door. I didn’t care. I wasn’t on the lease so it's not like I lost my deposit. I just let her go through the motions and get it out of her system so I can make her clean up when she’s done.

If you’ve ever seen The Godfather, you’ll remember the scene where Connie completely trashes her and her husband’s home after finding out he’s been seeing another woman on the side. Yelling and screaming and breaking everything that was breakable. This was very similar to that scene, except I wasn't seeing another woman and I didn’t beat her with my belt like Carlo did. I did, however, end up having to wrestle her to the ground to save us a trip to the ER.

She found an extension cord on the ground and wrapped it tightly around her neck. Oddly, this wasn’t the first time I’ve seen such a production, so I let her do it. I knew she was bluffing. I allowed it until she actually called my bluff and tightened the tension on her neck. I took her down as fast as possible without inducing an injury and I threw the cord across the room. I yelled at her until my voice was hoarse and she eventually calmed down, and then she began sobbing. After she closed the floodgates, I watched her clean up her mess while she repeatedly apologized for her psychotic episode.

Fucking Psycho.

Me- What the fuck is wrong with you! Why do you always do this!
Her- (sobbing)Why do you act like you care?
Me- I’m probably the only person on Earth that would ever put up with your shit.
That little exchange of words was a frequent occurrence in our relationship. It's true what they say: Love is blind.


Remy said...

Yes, blind, deaf and dumb, baby. Blind, deaf and dumb.

Some Guy said...

Ok man, I don't know if this will help or not, but here goes:

The reason we're attracted to neurotics is because they're intense. When it's good, it's amazing, but when it's bad, oh boy does it suck.

The trick is, when you're banging a psycho, is not to care. As long as her bullshit doesn't piss you off, and you don't sit still and let her fuck with your head, she'll have to use her positive qualities (that is to say, her tits and ass) to get attention.

One thing to remember is NEVER apologize. If she hands you an ultimatum, then very calmly say "I guess this just isn't working out. I wish you all the best. Nice knowing you.", and then LEAVE.


SarahTX2 said...

I do relate to this. My ex-husband had similar bathroom antics. I should have left him in there. Amazingly, you do have to treat each time like it's the real deal. One time he did use a razor blade on his wrists (in the bathtub, supposedly so the blood wouldn't mess up the house). His wrists had strange marks on them, and he claimed that the dam razor blade wasn't sharp enough. In the end he spent 9 days in a mental hospital where he met a suicidal woman and they now live together, probably a good match.

Anonymous said...

unlike you I don't do crazy and I have the money and game which allows me not to put up with it.

Anonymous said...

i think "never go to bed mad" means you need to make up before you go to bed, not whatever you thought it was lol.

Anonymous said...

Just got my car keyed. But "it wasn't my ex girlfriend", she "ain't got time for dat". Must be "someone else's heart I broke. "