Fun and games at the hotel.

Its hard to get actual alone time when you live with your parent(s). Having sex becomes an exciting game of hind-n-seek, but increasingly more difficult when the walls are paper thin or when you’re not allowed to close the door. My ex thought getting a hotel would be a great idea. We did it a few times, all of which ended with fights. This one was my favorite…



We got a room at the Best Western in town for our 1st anniversary. Not too bad of a place. I did the candle and rose pedal thing before I picked her up. We stopped by the kinky store to pick up some fun things and I bought two videotapes for the camera. Oh yeah, that’s how I roll.

We did the whole romantic thing that night. CORRECTION: We tried to do the romantic thing that night. The roses, the blindfold, the camera, the edible everything, we did it all. If I had to give some advise on this, I’d say to leave out the edible everything. The panties are stupid and the lotion is unusually sticky. She didn’t like that. At all. Ungrateful bitch.

After our first go round, she started to stick to the sheets and the surrounding petals. That put her in a very unsavory mood. She wants to call it a night. Whatever. Fine. I decide to order a movie because I am still full of energy and not tired at all. If I remember right, it was American Pie. According to her, it might as well have been hardcore, midget porn.

Her- Oh, so because you can’t fuck me again you’re gonna fucking watch that shit.
Me- Go to sleep.
Her- I’m not gonna let you watch this.
Me- The fuck you’re not. I just paid for this shit and I can’t sleep. Go to sleep.
Her- Blah blah blah and some other stuff that's not important enough to remember.

She won’t shut up.

Me- Fuck this, I’m going home.
Her- I drove stupid.
Me- First of all, don’t ever call me stupid. Second of all, I know you drove, that’s why I’m walking. The room is in your name so feel free to stay.
Her- You’re an asshole.
Me- You’re an ungrateful psycho.
Her- Stop calling me that.

It was my pet name for her.

I gathered my things and started walking home. It was only five miles or so, I’ve done worse. She tries to call my bluff, but I’m halfway home already. I don't fucking bluff. My phone rings.

Her- If I jumped out of this window, would you even care?

Not that night.
Me- Do you know how much it’d hurt if you didn’t die?
Her- I have one leg out and I’m sitting on the windowsill. You don’t love me. It’s all about sex with you.
Me- You’re insane and you need help. I’m not coming back. (click)

It’s a good thing she was full of shit because I just kept walking. She drove to find me like I knew she eventually would, but she couldn’t find me at all because I took the back roads. I did see her pass ahead of me though. I doubt she saw me. She was waiting in the parking lot for me when I finally got home. We exchanged some words and I invited her inside for an hour or so to make up.

I was not the brightest bulb on the sign, but I refused to burn out.

17 comments:

Caitlin said...

I think its really cruel to use "psycho" as a pet name for her. Insecure? Definitely. Unhappy? You bet. Out of control? Probably. But if every human being came out of the womb a finished and perfected product then nobody would ever learn anything. I admit, I dont know her and I dont know you but I do know that every person makes mistakes in every relationship and labeling her as your "psycho ex girlfriend" only reflects poorly on you. Her behavior may very well have been attention-seeking and self-destructive but sometimes thats the only way to grow up and learn what and what not to do. I guess I just feel a strong need to stick up for this girl, not because I think she is the victim or that you are a jerk, but because I know that she probably didnt want to act the way she did any more than you wanted her to act the way she did. It was most likely of the compulsive nature coming from intense insecurity which just erupted then bred more self loathing.

On a side note though, I really do enjoy reading your blog. I just broke up with my boyfriend and it has been really cathartic to read what you have to say. Keep up the good work.

Anonymous said...

Ignore what Caitlin said. That chick's a total psycho.

Remy said...

I think these people who are posting about how cruel you are, are fucking idiots. This bitch was psycho. I calls 'em as a I see 'em.

Anonymous said...

Caitlin sounds like the kind of psycho girl who wants to analyze everything to death, and insists that you stay awake an listen to her blather.

Anonymous said...

Watch out- I'm dating one of those "over-analyzing" types and yes, she is pure psycho. Funny thing is, she's "certified" to label people as sane or insane. What is it about psychos that make them want to learn about psychos?

Lesson here: don't trust psycho-analysts.

Anonymous said...

It's been my experience that psychos will always defend other psychos.

Anonymous said...

My ex-husband's new girlfriend is insane, out of hell bunny boiler. real psycho who analizes every move of anybody who comes accross her way. The woman who is 38 years of age has no boundarries, limits and is an excellent actress. Self-rightoious, obnoxious bitch. At first, I felt sorry for her and somewhat simphatised her, feeling sorry for her life troubbles, but later on relaized that the bunny is simply a nut case, that only pretends to be a victim and sheds crocodile tears. My ex has been fooled many times by her. I feel sorry for him. He goes back and forth with her and trully is torn by whether he should stay or leave her. By the way, it's funny how many of the guys who dated or date psycho women point out that these women are good-loking and good in bed. My ex's woman is fat, with no neck, style or class woman, however he told me that she loves to fuck. I assume that's what keeps him going. It's sad, but to each their own.

Webmaster said...

It's amazing how sex makes us (men) blind to a hellish situation. Psycho women who are boring in bed are easily parted with.

Anonymous said...

This story has been absolutely stupendous. That's why I was so surprised when I got to this one. You're not looking too good in this story. You videotaped yourselves having sex? The sticky shit in the hotel. Sounds like you're pretty into porn. And you call her psycho. This story took a big turn in this chapter. Shoulda left this one out. Still, I love your story over all.

Webmaster said...

Yeah, and I thought I was being romantic. I learned to not imitate movies after that.

Kerrie said...

I loved this chapter! I was married to her male-counterpart and I;m going through a lot of the same shit. I laugh myself silly over this... as I screen my 37th call tonight from my psycho-ex!

Anonymous said...

My question is...people just don't suddenly become psycho in a relationship. There had to be early signs before the two parties were exclusive. So, what does that make the other person who ignore the warning signs? Just a thought.

Anonymous said...

It makes the other person hopeful.

Anonymous said...

Wow. Our fights are always at night too. Always at my house, not hers. She drives, I don't.

I can't take the melodrama. I've walked a good five miles myself. Walked the back roads. She caught up once and when I didn't get in, she tried to run me over. Actually hit me, but not too bad. I saw it comin. The something about getting chased in a car.


The city I live in is strange... we don't really have projects, just pockets of cracktown scattered throughout regular suburbs. I live in one of those, and she'll threatin to go out walking, no shoes, saying "If something happens to me, know that I always loved you."

I hate melodrama. What can I do? I'm not a bright bulb either. I don't wanna be. I'm addicted, oh well.

kitty_is_a_zombie said...

oh god, look at caitlin, internet white knight. youre right, he shouldnt have called her "psycho", he should have called her "psycho bitch", because obviosly she was one....
fuck.
thank god ive never had any psycho ex boyfriends =.=

Anonymous said...

From just this story alone and judging by the fact that you made an entire website dedicated to your ex-girlfriend I'm going to go ahead and say your both probably equally "psycho".

Anonymous said...

The only thing that makes this girl psycho is HER staying with YOU

I love how you say "blah blah blah it wasn't important enough to remember" for what she was saying but what you said and did was SOOOOOOo important.

Get a grip. You are the man yet. SHE was the one driving everywhere, you deserve everything she gave you because you were a consistent taker.

she didnt like being sticky, that makes her ungrateful??

The fact this blog is still up shows you are clinging to proving your innocence but everything you list here was mere symptom of how you treated her like her feelings and opinions did not matter hence the name calling.

Psycho ex stories are fun, but this one is not about a psycho ex.

This is about an abusive co dependent relationship that you continually fuelled with your sense of entitlement. Believe me, Dr. Phil would have a field day with you